I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
