Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
