I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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