one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
These tits shall not be calmed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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