Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
