You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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