I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
