:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
