A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
