my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
