yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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