i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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