i was born a porn star she said
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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