Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
