Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
