careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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