my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
