I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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