You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sorry about my life...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
