i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
