i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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