Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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