If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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