Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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