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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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