so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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