i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
