I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
