do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize