Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
