you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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