Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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