Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
