last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
