I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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