Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
