I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
