I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
