His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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