Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
