After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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