i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
