One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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