Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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