remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
