this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
