you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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