Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
