I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
