I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Small penises have feelings too.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
