Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
