If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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