when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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