I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
