Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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