So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
