I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
babies were throwing up all over the place
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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