I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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