WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
