I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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