Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
