I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
