Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
