You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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