R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
