question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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