need another drink. this is the easiest way
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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